11 Important Lessons I Learned This Year

June 2011 really sucked. Sorry. I'm doing cold immersion into this blog post just the way it happened to me. Three endings happened in rapid fire within 2 weeks leaving my life unrecognizable. It was a simply awful time in my life. Usually I might try to pass of this kind of life suckiness with a bright "I'm fine!" but there was just no getting around this particular cluster. There were times I wished I could have jumped in a time machine that would take me to one year in the future. But since that technology hasn't been invented yet I lived through it...one day at a time.

As I look back a year later ultimately my life is 10x better because of those endings and the new beginnings I created as a result. There were many insights that came to life. Thought I'd share 'em with you just in case they might be helpful to you one day. Or, this day.

1. The more control you try to assert the less you actually have.

2. Drama is a luxury. One you can't afford. Especially Other People's Drama.

3. Trying to control yourself in a relationship will kill it. Let be what it is.

4. When three separate people urge caution about a person--believe them.

5. You're always worth way more than you think. Ask for more.

6. It always takes much longer than you think. 8 times as long. Factoid from: Deep Survival

7. Self-respect isn't just important. It's the only thing.

8. Conversations that start after 11pm never end well. Don't start 'em.

9. Things just work or they just don't. Forcing something is just sheer folly.

10. Being gifted is a gift. Embrace your natural talents. This is how you'll be successful.

11. Today is the only one you have.

Why Technology Has Doomed My Dating Life

Scene: I'm all dudded up and ready for my date. As soon as I walk into the restaurant I immediately whip out my iPhone so I can begin checking in and recording the evening.

- Check--in on FourSquare to get points. Find out I won (or lost) a mayorship.

- Soundtrack my  new song so I can remember to buy it in iTunes.

- Fork my food on Forkly so the app can make recommendations for me later.

- Hash the three people I ran into on Hashable.

- Take photos of the great decor so I can Instagram it.

- Tweet an OH about the funny thing my date or the person at the next table has said.


Of course, then my phone starts to blow up with people on Forkly who "Want" my delicious drink or people who "Like" my photo of the beautiful bathroom or friends who make follow-on jokes about my OH. This is when I hide my iPhone in my back pocket and sneak it the bathroom so I can reply to those friends or write down a funny tidbit for my next blog post, And, of course, hope I don't drop the phone into the toilet.

In between all this digital activity I try to get to know the person next to me. Which I probably don't do very successfully. Unless they're a geek too and are as socially focused as I am. I'm not complaining about all of these digital distractions. I actually enjoy doing these things. I love the social connection, the creativity of the photos and pithy statements to go with them and of course...those points.

While the digital downpour stops about 1/4 of the way through the date,  it doesn't leave as much time for connecting with my date, who wants to get to know me. I'm guessing he probably doesn't appreciate it nearly as much. It probably feels like he's on a date with 30 people. Um. That's not fun. One date actually complained about this out loud. We weren't a match. But that was because he was Mr. Grabby Hands, not because of our difference in technology. But that's whole other story.

Back to this one. I'm sure other dates haven't loved it but were just too gracious to say something. It's no wonder I have a hard time dating anyone but the most understanding geek.

Yep.  Technology. My use of Technology has doomed my dating life.