Life Lesson #2: How to Avoid Drama

This is the 3rd in the series around the life lessons I've learned since June 2011.  It expanded on the illusion of control and now we come to this: how to avoid drama. People who have a lot of drama in their lives come in two flavors.  Let's start with the most obvious types--the one I know you thought of when you read the title of this post. They're the ones who enticed you in--just as they're wont to do in real life. The Drama Creators.

Their hallmarks include numerous, messy entanglements, excuses and a general lack of concern for your feelings. These Drama Kings and Queens and oh yes--both genders have 'em--will entice you--at first. My experience has shown them to be shockingly charming, drawing you in like a moth to the dangerous light. Aliveness may permeate throughout you in those first few interactions, soon to be replaced with a feeling of confusion, exhaustion and a serious case of emotional whiplash. And there isn't a carton of ice cream or bottle of Tequila big enough to anesthetize it. 

The only thing you can do when you find yourself faced with a Drama Creator is to move away. Exclude. Minimize. It's a hard lesson to learn but one you'd be wise to do the very moment you discover you have a life filled with these kinds of people. Or, even just a few especially if they're a primary relationship like a boss, client, lover, best friend or family member.

The thing is...they're not whole. Not yet. They're so filled with their own internal angst that baby they don't have an ounce of energy left for you. In fact, they're more likely to rob you of your precious energy rather than fill you with more. They're stuck in inner trauma---probably from a bygone era. Unwilling to do the true hard work to heal, they're stuck frozen.

They're not going to change.

Identify. Leave. Exclude. Minimize.

Then there are those who have drama surrounding them. Let's call them the Drama Allowers. This sort of type seems to attract drama without directly (or intentionally) causing it. Except they do have a part in this melodrama. Being passive may not seem as harmful as those who actively create drama but this alas, is untrue.

The rub is that passively allowing others' drama to seep into and pervade your life leaves you spent, unavailable for good to infiltrate and ultimately leaves you feeling disempowered. This in turn leaves you much more susceptible to other Drama Creators, creating a cycle which is a bit like a dangerous undertow that churns you around, scrambles you up and renders you useless. If this is you--stop it. When someone injects a bit of drama in your life pay attention to the big old yellow flashing sign. Slow down, take care to see if this is isolated or the way this person lives their life. If it's the latter--well, do I really need to tell you what to do?  Drama Creators will hijack your life, taking it over with their narcissistic concerns and you farther away from your dreams.

Identify. Leave. Exclude. Minimize.


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver

I hope you won't spend one more moment squandering your precious time on creating or allowing drama. It's simply an luxury you can't afford.

I used to be a dyed-in--the-wool Drama Allower, whipped around in a frenzy by Drama Creators until I just got tired of it and let them all go. Bosses, boyfriends, friends--really, anyone with a penchant for the dramatic. These days my business is snap, crackling and popping along with all sorts of goodness. My life is too busy, too precious to waste it on drama so I simply don't allow it in my life. The result in my life has dramatic itself. My productivity and happiness levels shot straight up like one of those hockey stick charts investors are always looking for. If I was investing in myself I'd say it was the best one I could have made.

All this talk about drama has me a bit drained. But if even one of you lets go of being a Drama Creator or Drama Allower it was worth it. And now, I'm off to gain some energy by working on a project that invigorates me: writing my book I've been dreaming of for years.

Postscript: Credit goes to Cheryl Strayed for reminding me of the Mary Oliver quote. It's a good one and should be taped to everyone's refrigerator.

Memoirs About Chefs Are Chic

Lately I've been noticing the rash of writers who become chefs or take up serious cooking and then write a memoir about it. Of course by now you're probably familiar with Julie & Julia, the cooking experiment that became a movie and a worldwide phenomenon. You may or may not know about The Sharper Your Knife the Less You Cry in which a writer moves to France to become a chef. It's fantastic. Highly recommended. And now comes Apron Anxiety the memoir by Alyssa Shelasky that chronicles this writer's journey to becoming a foodie after dating this well-known reality chef.

Being a writer who is planning to write a book but is currently without a subject I'm starting to wonder if I should take up cooking? And...then I remember that while I adore good food--even consider myself a foodette--since I don't cook--I have no idea what to do with food except to eat it. And I don't enjoy preparing raw ingredients--like at all. The 10 minutes I spend preparing my green smoothie every morning aside--I have no talent at cooking food that people would actually want to eat. Sure, my dog loves everything I cook but then again she's eats anything she finds on the sidewalk so pretty sure she's not a good judge. In fact, it's pretty much a requirement for dating me that you know how to cook well. Or, love of good food and a willingness to eat out every night.  Also, I've lived with many chefs in part to get any of their delicious scraps. Given the evidence, or the lack of evidence of my cooking ability, I'm pretty sure writing a memoir about cooking is definitely not a good idea.

Still, memoirs about adventures in the kitchen are popular these days so perhaps I could whip something up (see what I did there?)  Here are some prospective titles:

Rosé, Prosecco and Tequila, Oh My!

All The Food My Ex-Boyfriend's Have Cooked

All the Ways I Can Make Toast

So...I'm thinking all of these will be voted down.

Shucks.

Back to dreaming up a new subject for my book.