Suzan Bond

A few months ago I wrote a post about the 11 Important Lessons I Learned This Year.    Each of the lessons really deserved more than the 16 words I gave the longest one so I started to unpack them. If you know me at all, you know that rather than thinking linearly, I think in circles, swirls and stars. Given this predilection, I decided to just write about the ones I had something to say more about when I had more to say.

After a summer filled with illness I decided I had more to say about one life lesson in particular.  In fact, I'd say it's the #1 lesson I learned this year.

#1 Today is the only one you have.

New? No. Trite? Maybe. But still.

Do you live as if today is the only one?

I know I certainly haven't. In fact I've wasted at least 50 days of my life laying around, immobilized by fears, eating potato chips and watching Meg Ryan movies.

I wasted at least 1,000 days in horribly negative situations or with negative people. I lived in a city that wasn't right for 2,920 days too long before finally finding the courage–or maybe just desperation–to move across the country to a city where I could breathe myself in fully. If you stretched out all the days I've wasted being worried, stressed out by negative situations, or even just wasting my time it'd probably run across the length of the United States. I used to regret all that time I spent being upset and not enjoying the moment. But then I realized that being upset about being upset was just silly. And, it's just going to ruin another day.

This summer I contracted Whooping Cough. It struck so hard and fast that I spent maybe a couple of hours out of bed each day for the entire month of July. I soon became bored with watching movies and so I just sat in silence for hours each day. Although the realization of the importance of each day had struck in June I still wasn't really living it. Somewhere near the end of July I started living each day as if it were the only day I had. Since then I've created many small miracles in my life:

• I wrote more in two months than I have in a year.
  
• I changed my spending habits so that I only spent money on things I absolutely love.
  
• I spoke my mind even when I didn't know how it would turn out.
• I stopped dating someone I really cared for because they only brought drama and heartache.
  
• I booked a trip to Seattle and Portland–my first real vacation in two years.
  
• I started taking better care of myself and am even learning to cook.

Life hasn't been all bon bons and trips to paris but I have enjoyed every day. In spite of being sick or not knowing when I might land my next client I found a part of every day that was spectacular. I can truly say that I've enjoyed the journey.

How about you?

Do you live as if today were the only one you have?

If you did, what might you do?

June 2011 really sucked. Sorry. I'm doing cold immersion into this blog post just the way it happened to me. Three endings happened in rapid fire within 2 weeks leaving my life unrecognizable. It was a simply awful time in my life. Usually I might try to pass of this kind of life suckiness with a bright "I'm fine!" but there was just no getting around this particular cluster. There were times I wished I could have jumped in a time machine that would take me to one year in the future. But since that technology hasn't been invented yet I lived through it…one day at a time.

As I look back a year later ultimately my life is 10x better because of those endings and the new beginnings I created as a result. There were many insights that came to life. Thought I'd share 'em with you just in case they might be helpful to you one day. Or, this day.

1. The more control you try to assert the less you actually have.

2. Drama is a luxury. One you can't afford. Especially Other People's Drama.

3. Trying to control yourself in a relationship will kill it. Let be what it is.

4. When three separate people urge caution about a person–believe them.

5. You're always worth way more than you think. Ask for more.

6. It always takes much longer than you think. 8 times as long. Factoid from: Deep Survival

7. Self-respect isn't just important. It's the only thing.

8. Conversations that start after 11pm never end well. Don't start 'em.

9. Things just work or they just don't. Forcing something is just sheer folly.

10. Being gifted is a gift. Embrace your natural talents. This is how you'll be successful.

11. Today is the only one you have.

"Self respect is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth." Joan Didion

A while back, I had a conversation with a friend who said she had trouble loving herself just as she is. Well, she liked most of herself but not some parts of it. This makes me so sad. Not loving yourself in the very moment you're standing is just no way to go through life. While you may love everything about yourself except for your thighs that's still a problem. Um, because they're a part of you and you're a whole person. It's not like you can just take them off when you want to right? This is a clear lack of self-respect.

Unfortunately my friend is not alone.  Many people I suspect feel this way. I'll be happy with myself when I'm x lbs. I'll truly accept and love myself when I meet the person of my dreams. I'll be lovable when I have that killer designer wardrobe. I'll feel ready to make a big move when my revenue reaches x. It's so easy to fall prey to the someday illusion.

Admit it. You've done it right? I know I have. The thing is it's just an illusion. Once you get there you'll discover another plateau while staring off at a new mountain to climb.

The answer is not waiting until you're perfect to be present to your present, to love yourself, to have happiness. Appreciate this moment exactly as you are and exactly as things are.

Perfection is just a perception problem. That's right I said it. Your perception is off. You're not seeing the world through the right lens. Rather than rose colored lens' you're seeing it through more like a murky shade of brown. Perfection is in the moment, not in some far off artificial landmark you create.

It breaks my heart to hear someone hating on themselves. It breaks your heart when you do it too. Every time you resist this moment of you a little tear develops and weakens you. Please don't break my heart or yours.

If all of this hasn't convinced you yet, consider this:

When your parents had you they didn't think, "This baby kinda sucks but wow he or she will really be great when they're an adult. They'll be perfect when they stop pooping and eating and crying." They thought: Look at this perfect, beautiful creature we just brought into this world. He (or she) is perfect in this moment. All shriveled up, crap all over you, screeching so loud you could break some dogs ears.

Remember that the next time you want to hate on yourself or the current moment. Again, I call on the wise Joan Didion:

"To have the sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent."

Don't wait to respect yourself. Self-respect is the foundation for success and happiness. Do it today. Actually do it right now in this moment. Just appreciate who you are and what you have in the moment you find yourself reading this little ditty.

I'll wait.

There.

Doesn't that feel much better?

Last weekend I did something daring. Something scary.

I participated in a spelling bee.

It was the first time since second grade I had entered one. Being a word nerd and having somewhat of a sixth sense with spelling, I  was so excited for my first spelling bee. I even wore my favorite shirt. And…I was out in the second round on minute. Not the measurement of time, the measurement of size.  Oh, the English language is vexing.
 
I never spelled in public again.

Or wore that shirt. Fearing it to be my spelling kryptonite, I threw it away. 
 
This weekend I jumped up on stage at an adult spelling bee and did something I swore I'd never do again. Submit myself to public humiliation by mis-spelling words.  It may have been liquid courage that I gained from that half glass of wine I drank before it. Or, that I had no idea why I was jumping on stage except that my friend Terry Cabeen, the MC, asked for 4 people to join him. Nonetheless, there I was in the limelight. Competing in a lightning round with the winner being crowned for spelling the most words correct in 90 seconds. And I won.

Now I get to have a delicious, decadent dinner at this place.

I'm not sure the reason for this post is much more than a big old victory lap for my second grade loss but since this is a blog, I feel compelled to have a moral. Here it is.

Let go of the past.

Be here now.

And? Always jump on stage whenever they ask for volunteers. You never know what you might win.

I'm not on Facebook very much these days (more of a Twitter girl myself) aside from getting news from friends in far flung places. Well, those places became even more far flung this morning with the Facebook announcement that a couple I'm friends with are moving to Amsterdam for her dream job. It was shocking. Thrilling. And thought-provoking.

After working until 1am last night this got me thinking. Am I dreaming big enough? Are the fruits of my efforts bringing me closer to my dreams so that a year from now I can say that my life is much better and my dreams fulfilled or at least on the horizon?

Here's a smattering of the big dreams my friends have accomplished just since the New Year.

• Next weekend I will attend the wedding of a friend who was dreaming about finding the right person just two years ago. She did meet him–just mere weeks later.
• Two friends moved to NYC to pursue their startup.
• A girlfriend and colleague of mine is always dreaming big and having an impact on her local community. This time with an event next weekend, Tellerpalooza.
• Another friend has been traveling the world for two years, recently checking Dubai and Nairobi off his list.
• A couple finally sold their home in another state and bought a place in their new city–something they'd been dreaming about for over 2 years.
• Australia was the destination for a couple of co-workers who married and had kids. 
• A good friend of mine finally finished the book he's been writing and is submitting it to book publishers.

And finally, to bookend the dreams…a friend is working from Amsterdam this month just because he wanted to see if he could do it.

All this stupendous news has me pondering. What are my dreams? Are my dreams big enough so that if you stacked them up they'd reach the sky? Am I working towards the exciting lifetime dreams or just grinding through the to do list for the day?

While I know all this big news isn't every day and won't continue at this pace, it excites me. It makes me want to go after my dreams and make sure that if I'm working until 1am that it better be on something that's moving me down the football field to my goal line.

What about you? Are you dreaming BIG? Are you actively pursuing your goals like a dog with a bone? Are you working on your own dreams or those of someone else?

"To be lost is to be fully present, and to be fully present is to be capable of being in uncertainty."
Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost

I used to have a thing about getting lost. Hated it. Braced against it with piles and piles of maps.  Until I went to Morocco. Besides being my first time on the African continent the other reason I went was for the souks–amazing little shops filled with local wares. The souks were located in the old walled-in city of Marrakech known as the Medina. Twisting streets lined with exotic goods, the souks are one place where a map is absolutely useless. If you are going to explore the delicious mayhem of the souks you must:

1. Abandon the map

2. Being willing get lost

You'll also need to have lots of dirhams (the local currency) to give to small children who demand money to give you directions. In those twisty, narrow streets, I learned to love the feeling of not knowing quite where I was going but knowing that I'd land just where I needed to be. Even if it wasn't where I intended. Once I consented to being "lost" I learned how to explore and feel more comfortable with uncertainty. And sometimes you're closer than you think.

Being Lost is a State of Mind

My dog likes to run away. It's not that she's a bad dog. She's just curious and gets bored easily so if an escape route is presented to her–she's gonna take it. I've received so many calls from people telling me they had a "little black dog" that it's become her nickname. Of course the little black dog doesn't know she's lost. She's just exploring.

Maybe you're not lost. Maybe you're just exploring.

ah, labor day. the gateway to fall and my favorite weekend of the year. i typically spend most of this weekend alone, reading, writing and reflecting on what i want for the rest of the year. this year's annual weekend wasn't too different than past years. well, maybe the first item was new. anyhow, here's what i did.

chased after a chicken to get it back in the coop.

discovered that i love gin. especially leopold's and caprock.

went yarn shopping for some amazing threads that soon will be made into something pretty and useful by the lovely and amazing sarah welch.

went out to a nice dinner wherein i proceeded to state that i would move for love. and then got called out for the truth. i would move for love. to new york, san francisco, london or paris. maybe denver.

had drinks with a dear friend.  attempted to take a self-portrait in the bathroom mirror. this i do at nearly every nice restaurant i go to when i remember to bring my phone in with me. one day i'll manage to take a good one.

watched a string 80's movies with nothing in common. dirty dancing, overboard, grease and blade runner. in truth, i only watched the first half of the last film, go depressed and then switched over to grease. one day i'll muster the spirits to watch the final half.

toured a craft brewery. and learned what a mash tun is. And that you're not supposed to go swimming in one.

slept in to a time that is way to late for someone over the age of 21.

read a book about a woman who traveled around the world to find true love and hoped i wouldn't have to do the same to find mine.

and…got back to blogging. put 3 more into the hopper. a post on this coming tomorrow.

what i didn't do

i didn't climb another 14er, yet. that's next weekend.

i didn't explore a new city. that will likely come later this year.

i didn't go to burning man. that may happen some time.

i didn't drink too much and regret it the next day. that's for another life time.

but i wasn't looking for these things. my quiet(ish) activities were the perfect to spend my favorite weekend.

so, how did you spend yours?

The other day someone told me that when they get bored they create drama. When I get bored I travel. The new sights, sounds and locations break up my routine, allowing me to see new things and stimulate me in a way that's very productive. Let's face it–like school kids stuck inside on a sunny day we all get bored some times. We all handle it in our way. Some people put a teddy bear's head on a mannequin.

What do you do when you're bored?

Yesterday I walked across the Williamsburg Bridge. The best thing about it was all the tagging on the bridge and the surrounding buildings. Many people think tagging is blight.

I happen to think it's beautiful. I also think it's thought provoking. I love that it makes me question what beauty is. It makes me question self expression and the best way to express our creativity. I love that it takes me out of my comfy, tidy little world and makes me look at the world differently. It makes me want to create. To make things tangible. The wheels are a turning. And that's a good thing.

I'm currently nearing the end of a trip to New York City. When I get back I don't have an actual place to go to. I am home-less at the moment. Not the down and out kind of homeless. The hyphenated kind that means being without a home gives me more. It's a long story of how I ended up here. Let's just say that I made a decision. It turned out to be not a great one. So, I made a new one which…left me without a permanent place to call home at the moment.

When I get home from NYC I'll stay at a friend's house until she as another friend come stay on her couch. Then, I surf on over to a another couch until the 19th. Then, who knows? I may go live in a friend's mini Winnebago for a while. Then again, I might not.

Being home-less is giving me freedom to focus on what's most important to me. It's also giving me the opportunity to have a new adventure. And I'd never turn down one of those.

What new adventure have you embarked on that you never thought you would?