Suzan Bond

“For me, travel has rarely been about escape; it’s often not even about a particular destination. The motivation is to go–to meet life, and myself, head-on along the road…On the road I’m forced to rely on instinct and intuition, on the kindness of strangers, in ways that illuminate who I am, ways that shed light on my motivations, my fears. Because I spend so much time alone when I travel, those fears, my first companions in life, are confronted, resulting in a liberation that I’m convinced never would have happened had I not ventured out. Often, the farther afield I go, the more at home I feel.”

Andrew McCarthy, The Longest Way Home

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Steve Jobs

So…what are you waiting for?

Never mistake a wish for a certainty.

                                 Violet Crawley, Downton Abbey

You can't always wish for something so hard that you make it come true.  You need to know the difference between true instincts and wishful thinking. How do you know the difference between the two?

This tweet started a twitter firestorm. It's awfully difficult to communicate complex thoughts in 140 characters so this blog post attempts to sort it out with a few more words. 532 to be exact.

There's a delicate balance in the listening to others vs. listening to yourself equation. I suspect that people who are ardently on either side of the equation are probably there because of an extreme experience. Perhaps they blindly followed someone else's advice to disastrous results. On the other side is the guy who didn't listen to anyone else's advice and failed. The problem with both sides is a lack of openness. It's a tricky thing to be open and yet follow the guidance your heart to make the decision that is most compelling for you.

The Role of Others' Opinions

When I was in my twenties and wanted to do something different with my life my dad would always advise me to run it by my siblings–particularly my older brother. Sadly it led me to make some poor decisions because the advice was taken cart blanche. The thing is–my brother is very wise–as is my dad–but they can only make decisions that are right for them. Other people see through a completely different set of eyes than the ones in your own skull. It would be folly not to recognize that. Gaining the perspective of others can help you see things that otherwise might have evaded your own gaze. The rub is that you have to take their context into account. This context may mesh well with yours but it may not. Perhaps you can take a nugget or two from them to mix in with your own dreams, hopes, fears and goals to find something that makes your heart say '"Yes!"

Don't Ignore Your Gut

Looking back I don't think my dad wanted me to take the advice without running it through my own counsel. If we could time travel back I'm certain he would say something like…Run it past someone who thinks differently than you to see if there are any ways to improve upon your idea or things you haven't thought about. Then listen to your gut. The context I ignored in my twenties was that my dad, while an engineer, is also an incredibly intuitive man who truly trusts his instincts. This was a guy who built incredibly innovative concept cars by using both his analytical and more instinctive sides of his brain.  He lived his life according to his own set of inner rules. I see now that he never would have advocated abdicating responsibility for your life and decisions to others.

It's Not An Either Or Game

These days I love to surround myself with people who are much more linear and analytical (accountants, lawyers and generally practical people) than myself because they always give me a different perspective. Their opinions show me new ways of thinking about a situation and often I end up listening mostly to my original idea tweaked a bit by their thoughts.  Be open and listening to yourself aren't mutually exclusive. 

You just need to keep the opinions of others in context while you grow your intuition.

This post is a personal appeal. A very good friend is in need.

Making a long story short. He was the roof trying to make the season lighter with twinkly lights. He fell. Hurt himself and now can't work. He's just about the kindest man I've ever met. So, the vendors of Coaching Toys are holding a fundraiser to support the family and their medical bills as he recovers. I am participating in the fundraiser and will be donating the proceeds from a few of my sales to the cause. So really it's a a two-fer. By buying the book you get some knowledge on intuition AND you get to help a family in need.

OK, go get it!

One of my favorite bloggers, Schmutzie recently wrote a post about the 5 Best Decisions of My Life. Inspired, I decided to pick through my life to find mine.

Writing

Even when no one else is reading. It helps me sort out my thoughts on things. It also means that my creativity isn't limited to just shopping and putting together interesting outfits. Which…is what happens when I stop writing. Blogging in particular provides a connection channel with others. Sometimes my writing shows up in the form of websites for clients other times it's blog posts. Other times I simply write my thoughts in Evernote, my favorite app for writing. Wherever I do it…writing is a daily imperative. One of the best decisions I make again. And again.

Making Travel a Priority

I grew up spending my summers in Starcraft pop-up with my family crossing off national monuments and national parks like I was a girl with a bucket list. By the age of 16 I had visited every continental United State except one: North Dakota. This set me up for lifelong wanderlust. In the past few years my travels have taken me to: Morrocco, Madrid, Barcelona, Sweden, Paris, Amsterdam, Prague, London, Austin (2x), New York (3x), Colorado (before I lived here), Santa Fe, Los Angeles (2x), Bahamas, Miami, New Orleans and California (5x).

At the moment I don't have any impending trips in the near future and I'm like a man in the desert desperately in need of water.

Web1.0 and 2.0

The first time I saw the world wide web was I was hooked. Getting involved with building this communication medium called intranets back in 1997 was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Managing the development of web sites during web 1.0 came next. My work during this time was my favorite ever. I loved exploring into new ways of communicating, connecting and selling through the internet. Although I went away from it professionally for a bit coming back a few years ago was an even better decision. I love the pace, creating new things, the social aspect and being to connect with people all over the world. Can't imagine not being in the internet tech world.

Being a pain in the ass

In one time in particular. It was back in the late 90's. I was very sick. The kind where you have a 102 degree fever for 3 weeks and have trouble walking up even slight inclines but the doctor passes it off as a bad sinus infection. Landed in the ER 2 days after that appt with a 105 degree fever. I begged, pleaded and pretty much refused to leave the hospital until the doctor admitted me because something was really wrong. Indeed it was. 2 days later in Cardiac ICU I flatlined due to bacterial strep in my pericardium. If I hadn't been in the hospital I would have died. Luckily, I was willing to be a pain in the ass. Life giving decision. Literally.

Moving to SF & Then to Chicago

I've done this a bunch and I'd say most of them were great decisions. The two best moves I made were from Michigan to SF in the mid 90's and from SF to Chicago in the late 90's. The move to SF opened me to a bigger world beyond provincial Detroit. This was also where I truly started to know myself. The move to Chicago was great because it gave me financial stability and most importantly, let me spend the first 5 years of life with my nieces and my sister. Both of these were career changing moves. And? Offered me the chance to get to know myself and my family better. Moving to Boulder allowed me to get back in touch with my love of tech startups. Great moves.

Intuition features prominently in all of these decisions. Thinking that following the gut and the best decisions are hand holders.

None of these decisions are permanent. They can all be changed. (well the 5th one could have been permanent as in no longer here.) It reminds me not to fret too much about decisions and if I make one I don't love I can just make a new one.

So.

What are the 5 best decisions you've made?

I'm currently nearing the end of a trip to New York City. When I get back I don't have an actual place to go to. I am home-less at the moment. Not the down and out kind of homeless. The hyphenated kind that means being without a home gives me more. It's a long story of how I ended up here. Let's just say that I made a decision. It turned out to be not a great one. So, I made a new one which…left me without a permanent place to call home at the moment.

When I get home from NYC I'll stay at a friend's house until she as another friend come stay on her couch. Then, I surf on over to a another couch until the 19th. Then, who knows? I may go live in a friend's mini Winnebago for a while. Then again, I might not.

Being home-less is giving me freedom to focus on what's most important to me. It's also giving me the opportunity to have a new adventure. And I'd never turn down one of those.

What new adventure have you embarked on that you never thought you would?

I leave for my first SXSW Interactive experience on Friday. I've been madly RSVPing, organizing and making sure I have everything covered and planned. Then my dear friend and veteran SXSWer Tara pointed out what's obvious in hindsight.

You can't plan.

You can't see everything and meet every person there.

It's impossible.

Give it up sister.
 
This woman is seriously wise. It reminded me of a lesson I learned while in Marrakech.

You can't control chaos. The Medina where all the souks (shops) are located is a confusing mess of zig zag, crooked streets. A map is useless. I gave mine up on my first afternoon allowing myself to be thrust into the chaos, trusting that I'd get where I needed to go–wherever that was. I let go of control and let the Moroccan culture reveal what it wanted to me. One of these revelations was a young artist named Benjou who I spent several afternoons with learning Arabic and him practicing his English while sipping mint tea. One of my best memories ever on a trip, it wouldn't have happened with a map stuck in my face.

I try to remember this every time I try to over-plan, over-control, over anything in my world. As I embark on my first SXSW adventure here's what I'm keeping in mind.

There is chaos.

I just have to trust it and…
 
Enjoy the ride.

That's my mantra for chaos that is a major event like SXSW. How do YOU handle uncontrollably chaotic situations where "maps" don't work?

Resolutions became extinct for me a number of years ago. I got tired of laying out sky high goals in a NYE champagne induced fever. That never worked out. Shocked right? Instead I started doing a Theme for the year. This set my intention and focused me without setting unattainable resolutions that only served to make me feel worse about myself when I didn’t reach them.

Please understand. I’m not criticizing you if you make resolutions. I know they work for some people. It’s just that through my work as an Org/Biz Strategist and Executive Coach I’ve spent a lot of time helping people create intentions and set goals. I’ve watched lots (I mean crowds) of people fail at this. In order to reach your goals you need to follow the SMART rule: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-boxed. This is when resolutions are most effective. But what if you want to create a more encompassing transformation? This is where setting a Theme (or Word) for the year works far better.

How does setting a Theme work?

I think back about the previous year–what I’ve transformed and what I’m still longing for. I then come up with a few words that articulate the transformation I’m looking for in the coming year. Usually I start with a couple and then one emerges as the clear winner. Let me give you some examples to illustrate this a bit better. Here are a few of the words I chose for the past year.

2005: Money (self-explanatory)

2oo6: Grown-up (also pretty explanatory)

2007: Love (self and otherwise)

2008: Focus (how I used my energy, thoughts & time)

2009: Freedom

2010: Align

Photo Note: The sign in the photo was made by a dear friend who wanted to give me a reminder of my align theme last year. I highly recommend reminders of the visual and other sort.

Doing a Theme for the year has allowed me to create amazing experiences and growth. When I look back at each year I am amazing and all the transformation. It feels good.

Repeat after me. Themes, not Resolutions. Ready, Set…Transform!

Prompt: Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

This photo was taken during a girl’s night out. It was a beautiful, warm and lots of fun. The camera on my Evo takes great photos but has trouble in dark situations. So, I decided to play with the new retro app I downloaded from the Droid store. I prefer to be behind the camera and rarely love any photos of me. This is my favorite of 2010 because…

1. It was taken by my dear friend Kit.

2. I *love* retro style things: photos, clothes, pretty baubles…if it’s vintage I’m pretty much gonna like it.

3. This photo reminds me of a very fun night with some of my favorite women:

• Cali Harris (one of the creators of Reverb 10)

• Kit who happens to be the co-owner of Atlas Purveyors one of my favorite coffee/tea shops
• The always hysterical Tiffany Sosa and…
• Miss Kate Brown, the fabulous Community Director for Daily Burn.

4. It captures in my essence. This is a very rare event. Kinda like seeing double rainbow. I usually make strange faces so my eyes look kinda freaky in photos. So the fact that my essence comes through is pretty special. It reminds me of my favorite saying. OK, I found it on a perfume ad but the message is solid & a good reminder…

All You Have To Be Is You