How to find the Right exec coach for you
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You’ve made a big leap into leadership and want to be successful. You’re looking for more support as you transition into your new role. You've heard of coaching and that people are getting great results after working with a coach. How do you find the right coach for you? If you’ve never worked with one before it can feel daunting. Where do you start?
There’s plenty to consider, but really comes down to two things:
Your chemistry/the relationship
Wanting answers vs questions
Your Chemistry/The relationship
The nature of this kind of relationship typically means divulging personal information. This can feel scary (rightfully so). It’s also necessary. Going beneath the surface, being vulnerable, looking head on at failures or weaknesses is part and parcel of a good coaching relationship. Feeling safe around them is essential. You can’t make meaningful progress without a solid relationship with your coach.
Having good chemistry with the person you choose is paramount. It’s the most important aspect to when deciding who might be the right coach for you. If you feel super awkward or guarded around someone it’s likely not a good fit.
How to spot chemistry
When interviewing potential coaching asking yourself these questions can show you if that particular coaching relationship will serve you well:
Do they understand who I am?
Do I trust them?
Do I feel safe being real and human without being judged?
You should feel comfortable with your coach though not overly so. A good coach should make you feel a little uncomfortable — this means they’re pushing you out of your comfort zone which is what you need to make shifts. Despite the discomfort of being nudged in an uncomfortable direction, you should always feel safe and accepted in this relationship. No matter their pedigree or how much others recommend them, never hire a coach who doesn’t make you feel safe in your relationship. The right one might make you feel uncomfortable but will make you feel able to share anything with them. This is a good time to trust your instincts. You’ll know when you’ve found the right one.
Answers vs questions
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Do you want straight advice or do you want to know what you think? The first is more solution focused, the latter is more introspective. Fred Wilson once described the difference as wanting answers vs questions. Traditionally, a coach was someone who helped you find your own answers by asking questions to help surface them. As coaching has become mainstream the meaning of the term has morphed. Now many people who are calling themselves coaches are more like consultants, mentors or advisors. Both are valuable; they're just different.
A more question-focused coach can help you be introspective, build your instincts as a leader and find new approaches to your work. A more answer-focused advisor can give you concrete, practical advice on what they’ve done and how they’d handle your situation. It’s matter of which style helps you grow best.
Questions vs answers is a good way to think about the primary reason you want a coach but it’s a bit of a binary. While some coaches lean one way or the other, some have a blended approach. For instance, I tend to lean on the question side but given my experience in organizational strategy and as an executive, I do share my thoughts when relevant and when asked.
How to distinguish coaches from advisors
Ask your potential coach whether they tend to give advice or ask questions. Another way to bring out this information is to ask if they've had formal training as a coach. While this rubric won't totally predict their style, it will give you an understanding of their background and where they will lean. (Hint: coaches with training lean towards questions).
It might seem when starting a new role like becoming an executive that you’d want only answers, but a blended approach or mostly questions can help you develop your own leadership style while navigating the tangible aspects of the role. A blended approach coach who leans towards questions and has experience as an executive can offer the best of both worlds.