Why (some) Leaders Become Workaholics

Photo by Abbie Bernet on Unsplash

My dad grew up the son of an entrepreneur and mom grew up on a farm — hard work was just part of their lives. In his work life my dad was a design engineer for GM who built prototypes like some of the early electric cars. His work meant so much that he and my mother moved 600 miles to a city where they knew no one so he could take this job.

My dad left the house at 7am and came home just before dinner at 6:30 on the dot. Most of my memories are of my dad talking about his work at the dinner table. He was the kind of person who always met his deadlines. Work came first. It's no surprise having a strong work ethic became part of my life too. I put myself through college with a part time job during the school year while holding two jobs during the summer. I didn’t mind the hard work, I prized my work ethic. It's a topic I know from the inside out and all the way through.

Being seen as reliable and professional was part of my identity. It was useful for a long time. When I got into my first management role in tech I started to see the down side of work ethic. Overwhelm set in as I tried to meet every demand no matter how reasonable. I had trouble sleeping, my brain seemed to be permanently stuck in the on position. My perfectionist tendencies started to wobble under the pressure. It got so bad I started writing “me time” into my calendar at night so it didn’t fill with work responsibilities. My work ethic transformed into something unhealthy, I was on my way to being a workaholic. It took concerted effort, to move away from overwork, to learn to find balance.

How to spot a workaholic leader

Becoming a senior leader reinvigorated those workaholic tendencies. I felt pressure every day to juggle competing priorities, meet the needs of the business and the team without overworking. I had to lean on the lessons I learned earlier in my career and learn some new ones. I wasn’t alone in this.

Most leaders at scaling startups struggle with working too much. The pressure to meet business goals amidst competing priorities while tending to the team can feel unrelenting. Sky high expectations often result in anxiety to deliver results. At times long hours are necessary especially for early stage startups. Still, it can also be a slippery slope from working hard to workaholic.

Being a workaholic isn’t just about the number of hours worked. Working longer than normal hours is fairly normal for most leaders. For instance, during the recent pandemic many leaders' hours dramatically increased as they equipped the team for fully distributed work, adjusted policies, held more frequent 1:1s and revised OKRs and other company plans. There were times as a senior leader when I too pushed hard to get through an unusually intense period.

There are leaders who work long hours but aren't workaholics. Leaders can work hard without overworking themselves. So how do you know the difference? Here are three ways where hard work can turn negative for leaders at scaling companies.

Valuing a strong work ethic

This one is tricky. There are both upsides and downsides to having a strong work ethic.

A leader who leads with work ethic is seen as reliable, responsible and having integrity. Working hard can give tremendous results and build trust with the team. A good example is the policy of "first in, last out" many leaders adopt. This can be an effective way to demonstrate you're willing to match the effort of the team rather than stroll out the door while others toil away to deliver on time. This builds trust.

Still, it's not without its downsides. When I asked about the associations with work ethic on Twitter the answers ranged from the positive like having integrity to the dark side of it with mentions of addiction and overwork. When we associate work ethic with being a virtue, it's harder to see the dark side, where it slips into something toxic, causing harm. It's hard to know where the boundaries of hard work lie. How much is enough? What does a healthy work ethic look like?

Having a strong work ethic can become an edict we mindlessly follow. Leaders can become workaholics without realizing they stepped over the line until their health fails, they make a big but preventable mistake or their personal life is in shambles.

Even worse, work ethic can harm the team. Worried about advancing their careers, the team pushes over their own internal boundaries to meet the leader's example (even when explicitly told not to). People follow what you do, not what you say. This can create a culture where people work when they're sick, don't take time off and where burnout is common. In short, it can create a toxic environment for the team. If strong work ethic is one of your big measures of success it’s time to check how it might be impacting your team.

TRYING TO PROVE THEMSELVES

For many becoming a leader was a dream. Once the excitement wanes, nerves can grow as they begin to see all the things they don't know yet in their new role. They fear they'll fail, spectacularly and publicly. As one leader explained to me, "As a new executive I constantly feel like I have to prove myself."

It's natural to work a bit harder when you feel like you're an unproven entity. It's common for new leaders to step over the line into workaholic behavior as they try to show they deserve their new role. Imposter syndrome can beckon, threatening to blossom into being a workaholic. New leaders especially have to understand where the line between working hard to gain the influence they need and when to reel it back in. When they don’t, those unhealthy work routines become irreversibly ingrained. Having well-defined measures of success can help leaders know when they’ve done enough so they can take much needed down time.

There’s another group who have to prove themselves: leaders who don’t fit traditional leadership norms, particularly around race, gender or sexuality. On top of the normal leadership challenges, this group has to work harder to prove themselves to counter pre-existing perceptions. Perfectionist tendencies can be common given the extra burden placed on them to prove themselves. I felt this pressure too. At times it got to me, driving me to check my email and slack messages incessantly making sure I was being responsive enough. The pressure is exponentially higher for Black leaders, especially when they have more than one of those intersections.

When underrepresented folks are promoted into leadership, put support structures in place to ensure they succeed without having to work doubly as hard.

WORK AS AVOIDANCE 

Leadership is challenging on its best day, especially at scaling startups. The demands are often enormous. Most senior leaders in this environment get little support, increasing the stress.

It's easy for a workaholic leader to mistake hard work or a good work ethic for what is really an avoidance strategy. Workaholic leaders often use work as a strategy for for handling uncomfortable feelings or as a means of avoidance. Rather than directly confront discomfort, they overwork as a means of escape, diving deeper into their work.

Issues of control and perfectionism tend to rear their heads when leaders step into a new role. To blot out feelings of inadequacy, others are driven by a consuming need for recognition, work the medium.

Struggling to let go of control can turn to micromanagement which easily slips into long hours. One leader even told me they once spent hours rewriting a marketing email about the launch of a new product. The problem? They didn't work in marketing and were only asked for a quick review for accuracy. It was only late at night when they realized the important items on their list weren't going to get done that they realized how much (control, perfectionism) had taken over. Those painstaking hours could have been used to push forward important projects and give feedback to team members who were waiting.

Workaholic tendencies can also be a sign of mental health issues or even unprocessed trauma. A therapist can be incredible helpful in these cases. In fact, if you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, it's time to take action before you burnout or unknowingly cause harm to team.

What my dad really taught me

Looking back, even though my dad talked about work at dinner, he always changed out of his work clothes before he ate. This routine never changed. I think it was his way of transitioning away from work and back into dad mode. He also asked when we wanted to play monster, the game where he chased us around the house while imitating a monster. It wasn’t sophisticated, but it was the best game, because my dad let loose.

As I think back on it now, I realize he did have boundaries around his work, I just didn’t see them at the time. He taught me the value of rituals. Writing me time in my calendar was a way of setting boundaries. Like my dad, when I was a senior leader I changed my clothes at the end of the day to signal it was time to stop working. These days I don’t look at my phone until I’ve done my morning ritual. Even though I work at home, I’ve found these boundaries help me find balance in my busy work as a coach and entrepreneur.